Left with a smile
by xxBlackSakura24xx
Summary: And even if the life taken were his own Okita Souji would still go with a smile. After sucuumbing to tuberculosis and being formally discharged from the shinsengumi, Okita Souji finds himself being sent to isolation in edo where he lives his last days.
1. Delirious

**Author's Notes:**

**I changed it up a bit because the original one, I found it way too short and ideas suddenly came to me, so here's the new version.**

**Remember in the anime when Okita Soji spits out blood, rumors have it that those were the first signs of him nearing death. My story outline takes place after the Ikeda-ya incident, this basically takes place months after. Enjoy!**

**Chapter I**

**Delirious**

Kyoto tonight was miraculously silent, the streets which were a site of death were unbelievably empty and the inns which were usually sites of merriment were now silent. But the once still night was soon accompanied by the sounds of coughing and wheezing, the by product caused by an ailing young man in the Shinsengumi headquarters. His name is, Okita Soji.

_Cough. Gasp. Cough. Gasp_

These were the same routines Okita Soji, the once invincible captain of the 1st squad did almost every night, and for the past few days his illness had gotten worse.

_Cough. Gasp. Cough. Gasp_

No matter how hard he tried to muffle the sounds; his pain in every cough, his helplessness in every gasp was heard all throughout the Shinsengumi compound and not one soul could sleep that night, for the thought of their beloved captain struggling and helpless was too much to handle.

Okita Soji shakily stood up from his futon; he had finally managed to stop coughing and what he longed now was simply a sip of water. Limply he made his way to the little corner where Susumu had earlier left his basin of water; apparently his hopes sank when he noticed the basin empty.

He wanted water and he wanted it now, but in his condition he knew he wouldn't make it half way to the kitchen. The thought of his lips dry and throat in need of water was killing him; he had two choices, one was to walk slowly to the kitchen the other was to wait until Susumu would come and refill his basin.

_Cough. Gasp. Cough. Gasp_

Once again his coughing resumed; having no strength left to walk back to his futon, Okita Soji curled into a little ball and continued to cough.

_Cough. Gasp. Cough. Gasp_

Okita Soji stared at the empty basin in front of him; it was taunting him, it was laughing at him, laughing evilly at him just like the men he had killed.

"_Kami-sama…I bet they're all laughing at me right now, all those men I killed, I bet they're laughing." _Okita said softly to himself.

"_They have every right to laugh…who wouldn't laugh at me…I mean take a look at me, I'm a picture of death"_

_Cough. Gasp. Cough. Gasp_

With no strength left to go back to his futon the young captain found solace in the cold tatami matted floor, there on the cold floor he began to picture the faces of the numerous men he killed. The men whose lives he ended with one swing of his katana, the dead men who were laughing at his pathetic weakness right this very moment.

"_It looks like your time is up, you damn mibu wolf" _

Okita looked up to see a ghostly apparition, to his surprise it was a face he knew oh to well; it was the rugged face of his most recent victim, a Choshu supporter who came to Kyoto in hopes of trying to take down the Shogunate.

"_How does it feel to lay on that floor almost half-dead?"_

Okita Soji smiled weakly, _"I'm being haunted by those who I've killed…and I was right, they are laughing at me." _Okita thought weakly.

"_Looks like the strongest man of the Shinsengumi is on the verge of death, isn't that a shame" _The apparition continued to taunt evilly, _"You'll be joining us soon Soji-kun…you'll be joining us all in hell…" _With that said the apparition disappeared.

Okita Soji sighed heavily causing him to cough yet again; deliriously he smiled weakly at his empty surroundings.

"You know what, right now…hell sounds so much better."

**Like? Hate? Okay? This is the revised version of "breathe no more"...sorry but I was trying to just add the new ideas but I ended up deleting the entire story... This is my first fanfic and this idea has been in my head for quite sometime but I never had the chance to write it up...but since its winter break I decided to keep myself busy...**


	2. Decisions

**Author's note:**

**Chapter I was very drama filled but you have to expect that, anyways I forgot to do this part: **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane; because if I did I'd add myself in every chapter in every manga and Okita would not die instead he'd be alive and all well with me...**

**I always wanted to say that…okay now on to chapter II**

**Chapter II**

**Decisions**

Inside Kondou Isami's quarters; Kondou Isami, the stern looking Hijikata Toshizou and the plump medical doctor, Matsumoto Ryojun were engaged in a heated discussion, the discussion of the fate of Shinsengumi captain Okita Soji.

"I believe I do not understand this at all Matsumoto-san" Kondou said as he reread the letter the medical doctor had presented to him earlier. "This…this note…I can't…I simply won't"

Irritated, Vice-Captain Hijikata Toshizou snatched the letter from Kondou's hands and began reading the letter. Loudly he began to read the contents with great displeasure.

"_This notice pertains to Captain Kondou Isami and Vice-captain Hijikata Toshizou of the Shinsengumi forces stationed in Kyoto, by the order of Lord Matsudaira Katamori of Higo, the 1st squad captain of the Shinsengumi, Okita Soji has been permanently discharged from the Shogunate forces due to his poor condition for battle. Expect further orders from Lord Matsudaira"_

After reading the letter, Hijikata handed it quickly to Kondou who began massaging his temples, uncertain of what to do. "We know that Soji has been ill but we can't just discharge him just like that, with all due respect Matsumoto-san but the troops morale have been low ever since we put Soji in complete isolation."

"I understand that this decision is hard for you Kondou-san but I believe that it's best that you abide by it." Matsumoto Ryojun stated simply as he took a sip from his tea. "I know it's hard to accept, I know that Okita-san is your most valued swordsman but please do think of the consequences you'll be facing soon. Think of the danger these men are in just by being under the same roof as him"

"With all due respect Matsumoto-san, I know you mean well but please do not speak of Soji as if he were a parasite, sickness or no sickness he is still a human being" Hijikata said through gritted teeth.

"I apologize deeply; that statement was indeed going out of line…this letter is to be sent back with two signatures, these signatures will confirm that you have agreed to the discharge of Okita Soji."

Kondou Isami stared at the letter, signing it would mean he would lose his most gifted swordsman not signing it meant two things, Soji would stay with them but his disease would most likely contaminate the others.

He picked up his brush and stared at the piece of parchment, it was taunting him. This was one decision Kondou nor Hijikata had a solution out of.

Yamazaki Susumu had been minding his own business when the sounds of arguing caught his attention; carefully he exited his quarters to observe the boisterous scene.

Apparently even the young Ichimura was drawn to the noises for he as usual, skipped his page duties to eavesdrop on the conversation or rather argument coming from Kondou Isami's quarters.

"You know it's impolite to eavesdrop" Susumu said coolly as the young red headed page jumped up with fright.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, don't sneak up on me like that you eyebrow less bastard"

Instead of reprimanding the young page he scoffed and let the matter go, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be attending to your page duties?" Susumu said coolly.

"Heh, for your information I was going to ask Hijikata-san what my duties were today…and what about you, I could ask you the same thing. Why are you here you eye brow deprived bas-"

Before the young Ichimura could finish, Susumu with cat like speed grabbed the young page by the collar and hid behind the bushes as the shoji doors quickly snapped open.

"Hey let go of me!" Tetsu hissed as he tried to pry away from Susumu's grip.

"Idiot, that's the thanks I get after saving your ass? Eavesdropping on the commander's conversation is punishable, you do know that right?"

"If I was eavesdropping then so were you, ha! You're as guilty as I am" Tetsu whispered proudly.

"Shut up and be quiet will you"

The two young men hidden securely behind the bushes continued to listen on to their commander's conversation, Susumu who had been drawn to the conversation due to the familiar voice watched with awe as his medical sensei Matsumoto Ryojun stepped out of Kondou Isami's quarters.

"What's he doing here?" Tetsu asked as he looked at Susumu's sensei intently

"Idiot, I seriously question how Tatsu lives with you and your annoying questions. Of course Matsumoto-sensei is here, he is a shogunate doctor after all and it is his responsibility to visit us here to do his usual medical inspections"

"_**Actually he's here for other reasons"**_

Both boys jumped back as they came face to face with 3rd squad captain, Hajime Saitou.

Tetsu clutched his heart and began panting heavily; Susumu who was not used to be snuck upon on pointed his index finger shakily at the bored faced captain.

"What the hell was that for?" Tetsu asked through gritted teeth after finally regaining his composure.

"I was on my way to get some soba when I saw a lock of red hair protruding from the bushes" Saitou replied calmly.

Noticing his fault Tetsu smiled meekly trying to avoid Susumu's deathly gaze, "Idiot, next time go look for your own hiding spot" the former shinobi said as he smacked the young red head.

"Eh, Saitou-san what exactly did you mean by Matsumoto-san being here for other reasons?" Tetsu asked curiously as he began rubbing his throbbing head. Susumu looked at the captain intently, not wanting to miss any valuable information.

Hajime Saitou turned to face Tetsu, their faces inches apart. "A bowl of soba sounds really nice, I shall tell you when I get back"

"Come on Saitou-san! I can't wait that long!" Tetsu whined childishly.

"You're one curious puppy aren't you?" Saitou said as he patted Tetsu on the head.

"Hey, quit treating me like a dog damn it! Will you just hurry up and tell me for crying out loud!" Tetsu demanded.

Susumu ignored the petty dispute between Saitou and Tetsu, he was far to engrossed in his own thoughts to care of others. "What could be so important that Matsumoto-sensei and the Shinsengumi's two commanders have to be involved?"

Back in Kondou Isami's quarters, Kondou Isami sighed sadly as he finished signing his name on the letter, finally granting the discharge of Okita Soji.


	3. Declarations

**Chapter III**

**Declarations**

The Shinsengumi headquarters was a place that had seemed as if death had came and took every bit of life with it; it had been a week since Matsumoto Ryojun had informed Commander Kondou Isami and Vice-commander Hijikata Toshizou about the future of a certain ailing captain. Knowing that the news would reach the men anyways, both leading figures held a meeting, a meeting that requested the presence of every Shinsengumi member.

"What the heck is going on?" Tetsunosuke whined as he and three comedians Sano, Shinpachi and Heisuke made their way to the training halls.

"I hear we're going to war, maybe the commander's briefing us on some upcoming battle" Heisuke replied, as the three looked on.

"Whatever it is, it better be important…I was in the middle of a good dream." Sano retorted with a grin.

As the three men neared the training hall, they saw it packed with men and decided to oversee the conference from outside. After how many hours of waiting both commanders arrived, their faces stern and hardened.

"_Maybe Heisuke was right, perhaps we are going to war" _Tetsu thought to himself as he observed his commander's stern expressions.

The men became silent and all eyes were focused on their commander, "Men, we are here to inform you that there will be major changes in the Shinsengumi from now on." Kondou started.

There were murmurs and whispers among the crowds but no one dared to speak up, "This meeting is to inform you that as of now Okita Soji captain of the first division has been formally discharged from the Shinsengumi."

"Discharged?!" Sano belted out loudly, apparently he wasn't the only one shocked by the news. The crowd of men began talking loudly amongst themselves, apparently not wanting to believe the shocking news.

"_Okita-sensei is being discharged?"_

"_What the hell is going to happen to the first division?"_

"_Who's going to replace him?"_

Ignoring the men's response, Hijikata Toshizou continued the briefing "As you may all know by now, Okita Soji is no longer in any condition to hold position as captain due to his illness. By order of Lord Matsudaira we are formally discharging him."

"_Order of Lord Matsudaira?"_

"_Is he out of his mind? We're on the verge of war and his discharging the captain?"_

"_How could this happen?"_

A few rooms down the training hall, former shinobi turned medical apprentice Yamazaki Susumu was attending to the ailing captain who apparently was listening on to the on going conversation.

"Okita-san, your tea is getting cold. Please drink it" Susumu stated simply as he passed the cup through the shoji doors; as much as it hurt him to see the swordsman prodigy being isolated from the rest of the world his orders from Matsumoto Ryojun were simple and had to be obeyed at all costs.

_Avoid any contact with the diseased stricken patient; this will make you less prone to the disease. Every item the patient touches must be discarded, and after every visit wash your hands with hot water and vinegar._

"Thank you Yamazaki-kun" Soji replied softly as he brought the cup to his lips, the tea was lukewarm and it tasted like medicine. "My time has finally come to an end hasn't it Yamazaki-kun?" Surprised by his words, Yamazaki Susumu fell silent apparently uncertain of what to say.

"A couple of nights ago, when I was having another of my coughing fits I saw a vision, it wasn't that of an angelic apparition but rather that of a deceased clansman whom I had killed with my katana."

"Okita-san perhaps you should rest, you can tell me the story later…"

"Later? Sadly Yamazaki-kun there won't be a later for me, the apparition told me that anytime soon this feeble body of mine will finally lose this battle and sooner or later I shall be joining them on the other side."

"You must not say such words; kami-sama has kept you alive long enough so please live long enough." Susumu said sadly, trying his best to fight back the tears.

Hinting the sadness in his friend's voice, Okita Soji managed to produce a light laugh in hopes of brightening up the young shinobi's mood. "For the Shinsengumi…I will…I will keep fighting…"


End file.
